


It Isn't Time

by monkiainen



Category: The Dresden Files - All Media Types
Genre: Babysitting, Community: smallfandomfest, Gen, M/M, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry feels guilt for Susan's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Isn't Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt _"Thomas babysits Maggie"_ for FEST14 @ smallfandomfest

My name is Harry Dresden and I’m a professional wizard. Yes, a wizard. I swear to you, I’m not insane. Well, no more insane than an average person prowling in the streets of Chicago at night.

Apart from being a wizard, I’m also a single father to a six-year-old girl named Maggie _(Margaret Angelica Mendoza Dresden to be exact)_. As to why I am a single father… well, I killed her mother. There you have it, point blank.

The thing is, if I hadn’t killed her mother, Maggie, along with myself and my maternal grandfather Ebenezar McCoy (or Blackstaff if you want to be official) would have died. A classic no-win situation. By killing Maggie’s mother Susan, I also wiped out the whole Red Court of vampires. Neat, uh?

I still feel guilty of what I had to do to Susan.

Oh, and one more thing. When I said I was a single father… I may have had lied a bit. I’m currently having a loving, even if a tad _controversial_ relationship with a White Court vampire named Thomas. Who is also my half-brother. And by loving I mean “we fuck like rabbits”, because love is like a poison to White Court vampires. Did I already mention to you I’m not insane?

Since my life is never easy, it so happened that Maggie was running a fever when I was supposed to work on a case _(something about faeries and goblins and what-not)_. I couldn’t very well leave her alone, but alas, my usual babysitters, namely Charity, were not available. And so turned into my brother for help.

“Do you realize what you’re asking of me?” Thomas inquired, clearly not believing I was being serious. After a long string of explanations, bribery and pleading he finally agreed to babysit Maggie while me, Molly and Mouse were out.

With promises that we wouldn’t be out for long, I kissed Maggie goodbye and we went on our way.

~ ~ ~

Hours later, when all the decent people should have been safely asleep in their beds, the three of us returned back to my dingy little apartment. The fire was crackling softly in the fireplace, and everything was silent apart from the sounds of breathing.

I took careful steps forward (people never believe it, when I tell them I can move silently despite my size) and was met with a loveable sight. Thomas was fast asleep on my battered couch, halfway sitting and halfway laying in what must be a very uncomfortable position. What had originally caught my eye, though, was the sight of Maggie in her My Little Pony pajamas, curled into a tight ball by Thomas’ side and almost completely covered with a blanket. Thomas had his left arm protectively around Maggie’s small frame, as if he could protect her from all the monsters in the world.

Without me noticing, Molly had moved to stand beside me and was watching the sleeping pair. Before I could open my mouth, Molly smiled at me before patting my shoulder.

“I think I should be going now. I will see you tomorrow, Harry.”

Without another word, Molly turned around in her heels and left me alone with my turmoil of thoughts.

My heart was breaking to pieces, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. The two people I loved the most were also the ones I shouldn’t be loving. Thomas, because he was my brother, and I still loved him the way most of the civilized societies believed to be abnormal and pervert. Maggie, because no matter how you justified things _(“The needs of many outweigh the needs of the few.” Thanks, Spock.)_ I had still killed her mother.

“Stop thinking so loud, you’re going to wake up Maggie.” Whilst I had been deep in my thoughts, Thomas had woken up and was watching me intently. Moving gracefully, Thomas stood up, and lifted Maggie in his arms without waking her up. With a glance that said “we have some things to talk about”, Thomas disappeared to my bedroom _(well, Maggie’s bedroom now, I usually slept on the coach these days if I even had a chance to sleep in the first place)_ carrying Maggie. Few minutes later Thomas emerged from the bedroom, closing the door silently behind me. I took a deep breath, knowing that the night was just about to get even more distressing.

Thomas took a seat at the couch, waiting me to sit down as well. I sighed, and tried to prepare myself for whatever it was Thomas had on his mind. I wasn’t quite expecting what he said next, though:

“You really need to stop beating yourself up, Harry. You did what was needed in a moment of great despair, and you made it through. You’re stronger than any other man I’ve ever known, and yet you don’t give yourself enough credit for all the magnificent things you’ve done. You keep beating yourself up, even when you don’t have a reason for it.”

I opened my mouth, but before I could even mutter a word, Thomas glared at me with such a passion I figured it might be for the best if I kept my mouth shut for a change. Those of you who know me fairly well know that me keeping my mouth shut happens about as often as…. well, a total eclipse for instance.

“I know you blame yourself for Susan’s death. True, you were the one the deliver the final blow, but think about this: in a way the Susan you knew was already dead the moment Red Court got their hands on her. She wasn’t the same person anymore nor a full vampire, but a creature in-between. By killing her you gave her peace at last. Think about it Harry.”

For a moment I was stunned. Maybe there was some truth in his words, something so obvious I should have figured it out on my own. I had given Susan peace. Was I ever going to forgive myself for it? Perhaps in time. 

I let a ghost of a smile touch my face before moving closer to Thomas, pulling him into an embrace. I might be a reason why my daughter had only one living parent left, but my brother was the reason why she wasn’t an orphan yet.


End file.
